When she finds the magazines underneath her husband's side of the bed, she'll stand naked in front of the mirror for hours (... well what did you expect?). "Bang dumb blondes, sexy singles and busty brunettes..." I must not be as beautiful as the advertising says...
Miss, I saw your poster recently... I read your ad in one of Playboy's latest magazines, actually... I've fed every need that I believed photography could feed me. If you can believe me... I hate it. You are worth so much more than my brief moment of orgasm when I allow my mind to deceive me. I'd like to be an open book and it's hard to admit how I take advantage of the desires God gave me. But I don't want to sugarcoat this - I feel hopeless, trapped in brokenness - like I lost before I ever started racing. And I know as well as anybody, this is a difficult topic to be facing, and a difficult confession for me to be making but I'm stating that when God started the molding, shaping and creating - you were not designed to be the objects that men look at while masturbating.
Baby, never forget that you were made for relating and I'm sick of failing to realize exactly what it is that I'm saying... I apologize. It was never my intent to ruin lives, compromise, or feed these eyes something other than what was designed. I apologize. It was never my desire to downsize or objectify the beauty God designed to be wrapped tight until its proper time...
Sometimes, though... I feed my indecency. Kind of slide that magazine across the counter and do it quietly: shy my face away so that no one else can see... "Will that be all for you today, sir?"
"Yes ma'am, I'd like to pay to become the opposite of what I want to be."
I wish I'd have waited, dedicated to see the experience God had planned for me from the beginning. I am not patient enough to not give in to every sin forbidden to the hearts of men... since when am I patient enough to not give in? I just apologized five minutes ago! God! come on! what's going on? I'm sick of this! SOMEBODY PUT SOME CLOTHES ON - YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS! God's most beautiful creation and I'm sitting here euphoric like I have the right to destroy it just cause I don't have enough dedication to build a relationship with the one who can free me, so I resort to suffocation of my very foundations while claiming that I'm striving to meet the expectations of purity?
Jesus keep reassuring me, I'm yearning to be the entity that you desire me to be. Jesus keep reassuring her, the one in the centerfold, the picture I'll remember until I grow old. She is human; she is human, she is bought and sold to a million empty souls feeling so hopeless that they'll try anything to fill the hole.
I apologize. Please believe it's true. I never meant to hurt you.
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